Tag Archives: wedding

Two years ago…

I never wanted to get married. Not to say I had anything against the institution, I just didn’t see myself as a wife. This was a pretty good situation when I met this guy almost seven years ago. I hadn’t grown up anxious to fulfill my role as a bride nor casting around for a groom. So I didn’t harbor any doubts, when Paul proposed to me in front of Space Mountain, about my mad desire to say “yes,” or that he was my one.

I try not to Zenbaw on this blog too much (/wave at forumites), but it’s true that the past five years have been the most difficult period of my life. Many awesome things did happen, but meanwhile the speed and energy with which I was used to going through life slowed, eventually down to a trickle, due to circumstances over which I had absolutely no control. This isn’t, unfortunately, that uncommon of a story, and in these stories relationships frequently unravel as well.

Paul, however, has stood by me through all of this, as boyfriend, fiancé, and husband. And through all this I understand how incredibly lucky I am that with everything I’ve lost, I’ve kept the most important thing in my life, and he is by my side every day. Tomorrow it will be two years since we got married and if I believed in a god, I would be thanking him for giving me such a wonderful friend to be my husband.

So instead I will thank my husband for giving himself to me. I love you, Paul.

paul

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Dispatches from Azeroth

When geeks marry

We also made our grand entrance to the WoW theme. Everything else was pretty classy though

I was going to write more generally about online games, and then I realized that last week was my four-year WoWniversary. If you have a problem with that term, you’re probably not going to like the rest of this post.

I have a Pavlovian reaction to rainy autumn days in Los Angeles: I have to start a night elf alt in World of Warcraft. (An “alt,” short for “alternate,” is a character other than the one you play most often.) Four years ago, after I had already become something of an addict to City of Heroes, I finally gave into my then-boyfriend’s persistent encouragement and did what I said I’d never do: play “that game with the gnomes and dwarves.” I’m not much for Tolkien and the hand-me-down Blizzard — or Games Workshop, if you want to get into that debate — lore didn’t appeal, but the fact that I could play it on my Mac instead of Paul’s PC did.

Once united in deliciousness, now divided by faction

Once united in deliciousness, now divided by faction

I hate the stereotype of the female noob rolling a night elf druid since that’s exactly what I did before I found out about the stereotype. Yes, I wanted to turn into a kitty and a bear and maul stuff to death. (In my weak defense I am Horde at heart; it happened that my real-life friends were playing Allianceside.) I got sucked in, the way I have with no other MMO since — and I’ve played at least a trial for every major one out there, and in closed or open betas for others. Word to the wise: Hello Kitty Online is going to be awesome. But anyway.

I was never addicted to the game in the scaremongering way that the media often portrays. I didn’t forsake relationships or slack off work. While I was playing seriously, Paul and I got engaged and then married, and I went through grad school with a 4.0 GPA. WoW never took over my life in a destructive way, except for how you would not believe the stupid arguments a couple can get into when playing together sometimes. I just became enchanted with the world, and eventually with the challenge of raiding, which in “vanilla” (pre-expansion) meant contributing exceptionally bad heals in Molten Core.

Alliance cupcake sign by Teena, starring my hunter Regala

Alliance sign by Teena, starring my hunter Regala

My first computer games were Infocom’s text adventures, like Zork and A Mind Forever Voyaging, and the next best thing I’d found was the Myst series. I played the first game as an undergraduate, frequently staying up all night until I finished, entranced by what felt almost like a graphical version of interactive fiction. I played the sequel, Riven, with my friend Teena when we both lived in the San Francisco area, and we made such a good team that even after I moved to L.A., we played each ensuing sequel over the phone together. Later, I successfully hooked her on WoW by first describing how we could actually play together — in game! My mother in New York and I also played City of Heroes together. It is a remarkably fun way to spend time with people you rarely get to see, especially when you’re chronically ill and your social exploits are limited to begin with.

My main, Lyrala, has had enormous fun in the past four years. If you can’t tell from that link, she isn’t a particularly impressive toon. Through no fault of my awesome guild, I tend to solo a lot, which along with my lack of interest in player vs. player combat (PvP) precludes me from getting the best stuff.

Paul's label design with our Horde alts

Paul's label design with our Horde alts

Also, I have a lot of alts, a “bad” habit I picked up in CoX (which means both City of Heroes and City of Villains, now one game) where the character generator is the best in any game I’ve ever played. I put “bad” in quotes because though objectively my accomplishments aren’t much, I can’t manage to care since I mainly enjoy putzing around and doing what I want. This is also an excellent way to avoid burning out, because the game never feels like a job. Raiding was always mildly stressful for me and at this point it tires me out too much physically for me to want to do it regularly, so Lyrala’s just slowly levelling along.

Meanwhile, the onset of autumn as I’ve said, plus the announcement of the Cataclysm expansion, which will completely change the entire game landscape, has made me nostalgic for those beginning areas, almost exactly the way I can be nostalgic for real places. The combination of sight, sound, music — the music is a very important part of why I keep going back there — as well as story and character keeps me replaying old haunts the way I still play old Infocom games sometimes. The way I reread favorite old books, like The Phantom Tollbooth a few weeks ago. I’m looking forward to Cataclysm very much, don’t get me wrong. Exploration is my number one favorite thing about playing MMOs and similar games, and the prospect of having an entire new Azeroth to explore is so exciting I’m actually trying to curtail my alting (I wish I knew how to quit them) and finally get Lyrala’s blue-green ass to 80 already, so she’ll be ready for it.

But the October after that happens? I know I’ll be a little sad, never getting to go back to my first home in Azeroth again.

Lyrala rocking the Cenarion gear

Lyrala rocking her Cenarion gear

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Exercising, my demons

When I think of how often I used to skip going to the gym because I was “too tired,” I want to go back in time and slap myself sane. But really, I enjoyed working out — for the most part — and was especially regular about it when I was also fencing three times a week and competing on some weekends.

Now I’m afraid to exercise.

Yes, this sounds ridiculous. Not wanting to work out is one thing, but why be afraid of it? One of the hallmarks of CFS is “post-exertional malaise,” which means that feeling like crap after exercising is both a helpful diagnostic symptom and also not fun in any way. Some evidence suggests that even graded exercise therapy, or GET, in which severely affected patients very slowly increase their daily activity, may do more harm than good. So how do CFS types get the daily exercise we need when said exercise can land us in bed for a day or more?

It’s a cruel catch-22, as well as one of those mind vs. body frustrations that many of us nerfed people, especially the new ones, share. Exercise is one of those things I never did halfway. I’d jump into a new routine and be happily unable to move for a week, instead of easing into it like intelligent people do. While I wasn’t compulsive, I wasn’t content if I wasn’t at least a little sore, and preferably more, after every workout.

The second-to-last time I started a serious workout and moderate diet plan, it was in preparation for a two-week-long marine biology study trip to Baja California. I worked out like you would not believe, and not only did I not lose any fat, my bad cholesterol actually went up. This is how I eventually found out I had Graves’ disease.

The last time I started a serious workout and moderate diet plan, right after I got engaged and was faced with the prospect of modeling a fancy dress for 120 people, I trained smart but hard, lost 20 pounds in six weeks, and felt sick all the time, especially after workouts. This is how I eventually found out I had CFS.

You might get a little gym-phobic too.

Totally worth it, though.

Totally worth it, though.

In all seriousness, I’m still in the process of accepting my new standards for exercise, which currently go like this: “10 minutes a day of doing practically nothing so what’s the point?” I need to stop thinking of working out as a luxury that will make me look hot if I stick with it, and start thinking of that piddly 10 minutes as equally necessary for my health as the elephant tranquilizers I take to sleep.

Some months ago, Paul brought home Wii Fit, Nintendo’s hugely popular exercise game. As I started to get into it, I realized that there are aspects of this system that work particularly well for people with CFS and similar illnesses where exercise causes problems. And then I thought “I wonder if any chronically ill gamers might want to read about these kinds of topics.” So you may feel free to blame Shigeru Miyamoto for the existence of this blog (as well as the demise of gaming, if that’s your thing).

Next week, I’ll review Wii Fit’s potential as an exercise system specifically for people who are averse to activity due to post-exertional malaise. Here’s a little preview: I think it’s dandy.

Thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to visit and comment on the blog, here or elsewhere. You’ve all been very encouraging, whether you meant to or not. If you’re struggling with the same kind of problems with CFS (or other illnesses) and exercise, and it won’t cost you any spoons, please share your experiences!

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