by Linnzy
When I finally had to quit my job, almost one year ago, I saw my plans and dreams collapse. This wasn’t just a 9-to-5 to pay the bills; this was a vocation. I loved teaching and especially in a situation that had been tailor-made for me. I envisioned writing my master’s thesis and looking into getting it published, and eventually receiving a doctorate in deaf education or applied linguistics, and becoming a tenured university professor.
Back when I was healthy, focusing on these dreams was a positive and useful activity. I was always brainstorming ways to teach better, write better, carve out my niche in academia. However, since becoming nerfed, focusing on these same dreams brings feelings of grief and loss, rather than excitement and the urge to plan. I begin obsessing over what could have been, which is a fairly sizable waste of time.
But it’s a mistake to give up on dreaming about our futures in a positive way. No, I’m not making any plans that are contingent on a miracle cure or my CFS going into remission. I’m changing my focus to dreams for my future that are meaningful, realistic, and achievable. And it’s a struggle, for sure. How much easier it would be to simply curl up in bed and forget about the extra effort – and associated pain and illness – it will take to craft a life for myself out of the scraps I have left.
However, that just isn’t who I am. I’m not capable of giving up on my life yet, and I’m lucky to be functional enough to make that stand. My newly nerfed life still needs to be fulfilling. (This blog is a small part of that.) So I was interested to receive a review copy of Jonathan Mead’s e-book, Reclaim Your Dreams. I was curious whether a motivational text might apply to the nerfed, as well as to the able-bodied in a rut.
Thoughts on the book, and the future
