When I think of how often I used to skip going to the gym because I was “too tired,” I want to go back in time and slap myself sane. But really, I enjoyed working out — for the most part — and was especially regular about it when I was also fencing three times a week and competing on some weekends.
Now I’m afraid to exercise.
Yes, this sounds ridiculous. Not wanting to work out is one thing, but why be afraid of it? One of the hallmarks of CFS is “post-exertional malaise,” which means that feeling like crap after exercising is both a helpful diagnostic symptom and also not fun in any way. Some evidence suggests that even graded exercise therapy, or GET, in which severely affected patients very slowly increase their daily activity, may do more harm than good. So how do CFS types get the daily exercise we need when said exercise can land us in bed for a day or more?
It’s a cruel catch-22, as well as one of those mind vs. body frustrations that many of us nerfed people, especially the new ones, share. Exercise is one of those things I never did halfway. I’d jump into a new routine and be happily unable to move for a week, instead of easing into it like intelligent people do. While I wasn’t compulsive, I wasn’t content if I wasn’t at least a little sore, and preferably more, after every workout.
The second-to-last time I started a serious workout and moderate diet plan, it was in preparation for a two-week-long marine biology study trip to Baja California. I worked out like you would not believe, and not only did I not lose any fat, my bad cholesterol actually went up. This is how I eventually found out I had Graves’ disease.
The last time I started a serious workout and moderate diet plan, right after I got engaged and was faced with the prospect of modeling a fancy dress for 120 people, I trained smart but hard, lost 20 pounds in six weeks, and felt sick all the time, especially after workouts. This is how I eventually found out I had CFS.
You might get a little gym-phobic too.
Totally worth it, though.
In all seriousness, I’m still in the process of accepting my new standards for exercise, which currently go like this: “10 minutes a day of doing practically nothing so what’s the point?” I need to stop thinking of working out as a luxury that will make me look hot if I stick with it, and start thinking of that piddly 10 minutes as equally necessary for my health as the elephant tranquilizers I take to sleep.
Some months ago, Paul brought home Wii Fit, Nintendo’s hugely popular exercise game. As I started to get into it, I realized that there are aspects of this system that work particularly well for people with CFS and similar illnesses where exercise causes problems. And then I thought “I wonder if any chronically ill gamers might want to read about these kinds of topics.” So you may feel free to blame Shigeru Miyamoto for the existence of this blog (as well as the demise of gaming, if that’s your thing).
Next week, I’ll review Wii Fit’s potential as an exercise system specifically for people who are averse to activity due to post-exertional malaise. Here’s a little preview: I think it’s dandy.
Thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to visit and comment on the blog, here or elsewhere. You’ve all been very encouraging, whether you meant to or not. If you’re struggling with the same kind of problems with CFS (or other illnesses) and exercise, and it won’t cost you any spoons, please share your experiences!
I’ve always looked forward to September, since I dislike summer the way most people dislike winter. Growing up Jewish, I enjoyed the idea of the new year starting in autumn, my favorite season, and since my life also revolved around the school year as a kid, I became even more convinced my people had gotten it right. Rosh Hashanah, which begins tonight, remains one of those Jewish celebrations I have kept in my life despite being an atheist.
