Tag Archives: CFS

Anniversaries

October and December have parallel anniversaries for me, one set that is joyful and the other, not so much.

This October is the fourth anniversary of my diagnosis with CFS. And December will be two years since I had to stop working, which is how I mark the beginning of my disability.

December, though, is also the month when I met the man I was going to marry, eight years ago, and October is the month I married him. It will be three years on the 27th and it still feels like I just met him.

What’s the significance of the parallels, or all these numbers? Nothing, really. I didn’t have a good handle on my topic for this week, and I made a last-minute decision to ask someone I admire to do a guest post. In the process of asking, it just occurred to me that not only has my favorite season arrived, but it’s also “anniversary season.” I also realized the other day that in two years it’ll be a decade that we’ve known each other, and our five-year wedding anniversary. That’s kind of a nifty, satisfying coincidence, numerically speaking. (Not numerologically speaking. That’s just silly.) So I thought I’d mention it.

It’s natural to mark the passage of time, but I don’t tend to get maudlin over the medical anniversaries. I just note their arrival, think about it for a bit, and move on. I do tend to get maudlin over my anniversaries with my best friend and love of my life…because in the end, what he’s brought into my life is much greater than what the CFS took away.

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Weekend sendoff: Stuck in the sand

Hey look, it’s a new post! That must mean WordPress has behaved for 10 whole minutes in a row. I could believe in miracles.

The blog is still under construction; bugs abound, there’s some typographical stuff I need to hunt down and fix, and I’m also not 100% on the new layout yet. What do you think?

I’m a bit more of a spectator than a participant these days. I’m happy to say there’s been progress on my pet project that I’m very excited about. But as far as other work and projects, I’m in something of a holding pattern. The past couple of months of doctor visits, diagnostic tests, and a roller-coaster of hope for a new and definitive diagnosis has actually left me two steps back, with my CFS doc now convinced I have more of a “CFS Plus,” based on my inexplicable bout of optic neuritis and some other problems that don’t quite fit the profile.

So I’m left with worsening symptoms and even less idea of what’s really wrong with me. Normally I get past these kinds of setbacks relatively quickly, but it’s been tougher this time. Chronic illness is a constantly fluid situation; it’s kind of like standing on a seesaw that someone else is moving up and down, and you learn to adapt to the wobbling, even if you’re caught off balance from time to time. Right now I feel like I got thrown off the seesaw and landed face-first in the sandbox. It’s just sand, so I’ll make it out, but it’s kind of deep, so it might take a while.

In other health news, Paul and I both got our TDaP boosters today. In case you didn’t know, there is a serious outbreak of whooping cough (pertussis) in California right now, from which nine infants have died so far. These babies were too young to be vaccinated, so they were most likely infected by a well-meaning adult with no idea he or she was a carrier. This is scary to me because I consider myself pretty well educated as a layperson when it comes to vaccines, and I had no idea until this year that adults need not just tetanus boosters, but the whole tetanus/diphtheria/pertussis combo. We can’t just write this off to the antivaxxers; this is a serious failing in patient education, to my mind.

But at least Paul and I can now go visit our friends’ adorable new babies, safe in the knowledge that we’re as medically protected as possible from causing themĀ  harm, and that we’ve done our part for herd immunity. On that note I’d like to send you off with this great song about vaccines and how they’ve made life better for us.

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Will there ever be a cure for CFS?

I was asked this question on Formspring by @jwhouk the other day, and I decided it was worthy of a better answer than a few lines on Twitter. Actually, the way he phrased it was

Deep down in your heart of hearts (or whatever you want to call it) — do you believe/think there will ever be a cure for CFS? Or at least an understanding of causes for it?

which I like because I feel more comfortable talking about my beliefs and speculations than the hard science. And then the timing was funny as this story came out yesterday. It’s a report on a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), detailing a replication study seeking XMRV in patients with chronic fatigue syndrome. The PNAS paper had been held for some time, frustrating and angering patients, and now that it’s out, the results are interesting. Although the researchers did not find XMRV, they did find a related family of retroviruses. This isn’t going to end the controversy over XMRV anytime soon — there are many questions remaining about the selection of patient cohorts, why other studies were unable to find XMRV, and so forth — but more information is always good.

This is part of my answer to the question, this fact that right now there is more interest in CFS research than there has been in years. For one thing, this is obviously directly good news for people who want a cure. Even if XMRV or MLV turn out to be complete red herrings, who knows what else may be discovered along the way. And a major side benefit of this research is that more people — physicians and otherwise — learn that CFS is a true somatic problem that warrants research. The disease and the people who have it receive validation, which may lead to better care and further research as well. So these are all positive signs even if there are some very questionable aspects, such as patients starting dangerous treatments for things they don’t even know they have yet.

The problem with CFS is that, although we patients tend to insist on it being treated as a disease, it is not one. It is a syndrome — an association of related symptoms — and those symptoms and their severity differ enormously from person to person. (It’s important to note this does not mean that anyone with a few fatigue-related symptoms has CFS. There are several sets of different but related diagnostic criteria.) Some patients have mostly neurological symptoms, and tend to identify as having ME (myalgic encephalopathy), while others like me exhibit almost exclusively post-viral symptoms. There are endless debates over the name of the syndrome, and whether it should or shouldn’t be lumped together, as it often is, as ME/CFS. This is why I remain skeptical about XMRV: does it really seem possible that a single retrovirus, or even a family of them, could cause such an enormous disparity in etiologies, disease progression, symptoms, and so forth? Possibly in one particular set of patients, but what about everyone else?

So I don’t really envision a vaccine or gene therapy anytime soon or ever that will wipe out CFS, although I do expect better therapies and treatments. I think what is more likely to happen is that as we increase our understanding of various illnesses, especially autoimmune ones, patients formerly diagnosed with CFS will be found to have something else. This happens frequently enough now (although sometimes in the other direction, as in patients with depression who are later found to have CFS as a somatic cause), and there’s no reason to think it won’t continue. As medical science becomes more knowledgeable about autoimmune disorders, demyelinating disorders, and many other related areas, I think CFS patients will continue to be rediagnosed with more specific — and hopefully treatable! — illnesses. In this sense, medicine will “cure” CFS by redefining patients into other categories, and with luck, having no more use for this “garbage can” of a diagnosis.

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